Forgive and Forget????

“Forgive and Forget”. Sorry, folks. This is one of the dumbest statements I have ever read. To tie these two words together, in my opinion, is not only improbable, but not what Jesus had in mind when he asked us to pray “forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Don’t get me wrong, I am a big believer in forgiveness, but to forget? Can anyone honestly claim they can “forget” the attack on 911? Or how about the murder of 6 million Jews? Can we forget the insurrection of Jan 6th? Should we forget these things? I say no way. If we do, we’re likely to repeat the same mistakes.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it’s about letting go. In my understanding, those are two very different things. The first is about denial, the latter is about freedom.

I have had experiences in my life that I would give my eye teeth to forget. But I can’t - there isn’t enough therapy in the world to make me forget them. But, I can tell you today, that I have forgiven the trespasser in those situations. I haven’t contacted them to tell them I forgave them, but I have given myself - with a lot of help from God and others - the gift of forgiveness.

When someone does harm to us (or trespasses against us), we will feel it emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically. It becomes part of us - and very much a burden. Just imagine that every time someone sinned against you, it became a physical object that you carry around in a bag. Because we’re human, and all will unintentionally or intentionally harm another, those objects multiply pretty fast. Pretty soon, we are so weighted down by hurt, that we can’t take a step forward - we are still connected to the harms we carry around.

Forgiveness, to me, is the process of taking that bag, opening it up and pulling out an object. We look at it, we accept that it’s real, we work through the feelings it’s caused, we remember that we are defined not by our experiences, but by being a loving creation of God. Then, we take the object and throw it into the ocean, where its weight is carried by the sea, out to be transformed by the water. We no longer have the weight in our bag. If we take out enough objects, we are not weighted down, we are free. We are free to love, to serve, to be merciful, and to be just. That person that harmed us, has no power over us anymore. People only have the power over us that we choose to give them. For me, forgiveness is a choice I make to not give those who have trespassed against me any power over my emotions, beliefs, self-worth, etc. For me, it is a choice that God helps me with because I’ve never been able to do it on my own - especially with the big things.

One of the tools I use in forgiving is prayer. Jesus tells us very clearly “pray for those who persecute you”. I find when I pray for someone who has harmed, insulted, persecuted me, I start out through gritted teeth. Who wants to pray for someone that’s hurt them? When it was first suggested to me by a much wiser person than I, I thought she was nuts. But, she was someone I trusted with my life, so I decided to follow her advice. I found that every day I prayed for that person, my teeth grinding was a bit looser. Soon, I didn’t experience the hurt and pain caused by this person quite as deeply, and in fact, the hurt and pain was disappearing. Then came the day when I was able to say to myself, I forgive. Sometimes this was a simple few days, other times it took quite a while, with the help of others. But I can tell you, today, I am free. God has graced me with people and imaginations that allow me to forgive. I’ve even used the process on myself, as sometimes in my life, I was the one causing harm to me.

Forgiveness, my brothers and sisters, is a gift we give ourselves. God offers it readily, Jesus died offering it, and the Spirit fosters it and guides us through the process. It’s step one in the process of reconciliation - which is a totally different animal - one for a different blog!!!

Let’s keep giving ourselves this gift, for a tired and hurting world needs us. We don’t want to be slowed down by too much baggage.

Rev. Joan