Be Thou My Vision
“God, I got a great plan - you’re going to love it!” I used to start my conversations with God with this phrase (OK maybe I still start a couple with this - progress, not perfection). I would tell God how things should go and what was best for me. I’m sure God laughed. I think God gave me credit for imagination and conviction, but then patiently led me on the path that God had planned for me - a path that would be filled with ups and downs, but always what was best for me.
The good thing about aging, is that we get the opportunity to look back and see how God has been with us all along. Yep, there were times in my life I was convinced that God was either nowhere around, or was damning me for being an awful person. But with the gift of hindsight, I can now realize the purpose in my struggles. Paul tells us that “it was in my weakness I found my strength.” I don’t always agree with Paul, but in this instance I do, completely.
I believe it is in our human nature to want to be in control of our surroundings. We want to direct our lives in ways we think will bring us happiness. I can tell you, quite assuredly, being a mother wasn’t in my plan; becoming disabled was not in my plan; being a minister was not in my plan. My plan was to be a lawyer, a leader in my career choice and to be the President of the United States. I wasn’t going to let anything —like children, or being a woman — distract me from my goal. But in a fragile time in my life, I began to wobble about what I wanted to be when I grew up (I was 23 at the time:). Not knowing what direction to take I decided to send in three applications for grad school - one to law school, one to seminary, and one to an organization called Covenant House (they work with homeless teens in New York City). Their responses to me would be my answer. A month or so after I sent in the applications, I got an acceptance letter to the Seminary. I also got an envelope with my application to Covenant House—it had been damaged in the mail and was no longer readable. I called the Law School to see if I was accepted and they had never received my application. Guess God answered me.
Since then, I have learned my best modus operandi to discovering the best plan for my life (God’s plan) is to simply pray “God, I don’t know what’s next, so please make the path bright enough for me to follow.” I have had to let go of my own expectations, the expectation of others, and my stubbornness. And let me tell you, have I ever had a great life. One filled with joys I never had on my radar. One with awarenesses where I never knew I had blindspots. One with trials I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, but whose outcomes showed me how deeply I am loved. I still try to be in charge once in a while, but the time between control and letting go is getting much shorter. I now pray that God’s vision will become my vision and that God will give me what I need to act on that vision.
There’s a favorite song of mine that I go to when I need reminding I’m not in charge of the world. It soothes me. I thought I’d share it (sorry for the masculine language…it was written in the 8th century). I hope it soothes you as well.
Rev. Joan
Be Thou My Vision
Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light
Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with thee one
Riches I heed not, nor vain, empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art
High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all
